Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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