Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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