this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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