I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
