Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize