I am puke
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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