i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Couch. On fire.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
