just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
