I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
