Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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