im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
