i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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