accomplished twins. life is a go
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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