You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
