awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
