I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
