I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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