I want to walk on stilts...naked
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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