so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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