we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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