well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
