WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
