Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize