I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
