Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
