seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
