i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
