conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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