so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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