I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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