sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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