Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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