Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
