giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
