Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
