Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
