i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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