he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
