You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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