i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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