I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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