we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
