how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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