return my video game
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
