I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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