Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
