The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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