my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
