The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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