So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
