You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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