evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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