I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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