you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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