More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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