so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
