i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
