Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
