You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
