he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
