i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
