It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
