Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize