Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
