is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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