Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
