Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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