If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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