I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
