what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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