But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
