we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
