You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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