we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
