Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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