And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
