She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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