You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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