Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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