i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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