Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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