wat bout pragnant strippers??
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
