Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
