Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
