Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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