What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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