Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
