I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
