At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
