What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
