I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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