just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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