I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
