i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
